 It was an overwhelming sense of peace, reassurance and love that I had received from God! I had broken down in my kitchen, clenching my shattered heart and crying out for help, pleading to God to deliver me from my unexplainable afflictions. That’s when He immediately comforted me and filled my heart with hope. It was to another level; Hope I knew that could only come from my God! I had told Him that if He delivered me, I would serve and walk with Him forever. And I will never break that promise. It was around the end of fall of 2017. I had no idea what was going on with me and around me ‘cause I was spiritually blind. Everything in my life was literally falling apart, and I was depressed and hopeless; just completely at my wit’s end and about ready to give up. I was physically, emotionally, and psychologically unwell. I suffered excruciating pain in one eye, having to patch it up and was losing my eyesight. Parts of my body were breaking out in painful hives. I had intense migraines and was unable to sleep for days at a time. I was in and out of the hospital where doctors could not detect anything wrong, physically. I had an irrational feeling of extreme fear and would have frequent panic attacks at any given time. At night, and sometimes in the day, the microwave in the kitchen would turn on by itself and so did kids’ toys. I was living alone at that time; my family was away. Being alone was a daily struggle, and as nighttime neared, so did my anxiety which increased. It got to a point where I called the police several times in a period of one week when I got off work at midnight because I was so afraid to enter my house. I was hoping they would find something so I could be free. Even when I couldn’t articulate what, they found nothing each time. Although I couldn’t explain it, I just knew there was a cold presence in that house. I went from meeting with my mental health counselor once a week to twice a week because I didn’t know where to go, who else to turn to or what to do. The list goes on and on. My family and friends did not take me seriously when I tried to reach out to explain the situation I was in; Everybody was labeling me as crazy, paranoid, every name in the book, especially because I had struggles with mental health (depression and anxiety) in the past. They thought I was going through a mental health crisis that I would soon get over. Bizarrely, even after God giving me peace and reassuring me in my kitchen, all hell broke loose. Everything I was going through: the fear, the panic attacks, and my physical and psychological health, amped up! My finances were attacked, I increased the number of cigarettes I was smoking a day, my once friendly neighbors suddenly didn’t want anything to do with me, my other relationships around me were being unexplainably severed, everything in my house was breaking down, I was in the beginning stages of being harassed and gangstalked, and every single night, I was attacked by something at night as I slept. I felt like I was the main character of a horror movie. I couldn’t get answers or help from the doctors, police, family, and friends or my counselor. I was lost and more broken. And fast-forward, that’s when I cried out to God in my kitchen. And a couple of days after, then came the thought (I now know it was God) of reaching out to a pastor in the community of Africans I was part of. I did, and I told him what I was going through and thankfully, he understood my weird circumstances. He explained what was happening to me. He said I was in the midst of spiritual warfare. That God had a big calling on my life, thus, the enemy going full force against me. The hope that God had instilled in me days prior, illuminated! I was saying to myself, “Now we’re getting somewhere,” and anticipated my freedom. I started going to church, he prayed for me a lot, and I even had to go through deliverance prayers. Things overall got a bit better after the deliverance prayers. But ugh... a couple of weeks later, there I was again being attacked at night. But this time, do you know that the evil spirit went and called his homeboys who were more wicked than him? They stubbornly came back to attack me almost every night. Pastor (man, I thank God for him) prayed for me some more and advised me to read my Bible and pray more at night before sleeping and I started doing so. One night, I heard these evil spirits coming again through my front door with that annoying familiar sound, “Bzzzzzzz,” like bees. I said in my spirit, “Oh my Gosh, not again.” When they reached me, I felt paralyzed, and they started to torment me. As usual, I could not open my mouth to speak physically, but I was able to cry out to Jesus in my mind! I said, “JESUS, HELP!! JESUS, HELP!!” Now, He had saved me many times before and even personally appeared in the spirit to deliver me. This time, it was different. Immediately I cried out to Jesus. These evil spirits fled when the presence of God overwhelmed the entire room! He said to me, “Akina, don’t be afraid. Read Matthew 10:28” in such a comforting, audible voice! I immediately got up to read the passage. It states, “And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell (ESV).” After reading the Bible verse He directed me to, God brought me back to that intense moment I cried out to him several weeks prior in my kitchen, pleading for His mercy and help. That’s when He spoke to my spirit, assuring me that He is always with me through my trials and my happy days. He told me never to lose that hope He instilled in me that day in my kitchen and that these small demons can’t do squat to me. If anything, I should be fearing Him, not them. That’s when I felt a huge load off my shoulders, and “Poof!” all the sense of anxiety and fear I had were extinguished, and my hope in Christ, strengthened! I was no longer tormented at night and slept more soundly. My Hope in Christ is still going strong to this day, especially ever since I’ve been on a journey to getting to know Him and forming a strong relationship with Him by the day. Matthew 10:28 reminds us that God is Almighty, nothing can defeat Him; He is the one that defeats and the One who carried all power. And if you are His child, I'm telling you... we have nothing to worry about. My brothers and sisters, always keep your Hope in Christ in all circumstances, because without Christ, we are, and have nothing! He is the ONLY solution! With blessings and much love, Akina.
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